Fear of Exposure

“You have so many talents, Alice. You write, you paint, you make all kinds of art with your hands; not to mention those perfect joints you roll… You can cook, you can sure give mind-blowing head… I mean… Gees girl, where does the list end?” The Mad Bunny lifted both his arms in resignation. “If I can think it, you can do it. Right?”

“Right.”

“You know what you are, in a word?”

Alice thought for a moment, then asked, “Intimidating?”

The Mad Bunny was genuinely surprised, “So you do know.”

Alice nodded. “I prefer being intimidating to being intimidated.”

The Mad Bunny raised an eyebrow. It sounded like the disclosure of superiority/inferiority complex.

“And there is no half-way between the two, no middle ground?” he asked.

“There’s no halfway, just either way.” as she was saying that, Alice reached for the joint.

“You may be onto something there, Alice.” the Mad Bunny said looking at the joint in her hand. “But you know what I don’t get, Alice? If you are so stunningly intimidating, how come I’ve never heard of you before? Have you written a book? Or exhibited your artwork? Starred in a porn film? What, other than these perfectly crafted joints, have you to show for, my dear?” and with that he snatched the joint from her hand.

Alice was silent, though she didn’t seem to be offended, just pensive. Mad Bunny liked that about her, the fact that she didn’t get offended so easily. He inhaled deeply and as the candy flavour filled his lungs, he studied Alice’s face through circles of smoke. She was so absorbed in contemplation, the Mad Bunny could see each and every passing thought as it cast shadows on her face. ‘That’s introspection for you’, he thought, ‘the mercurial interplay of darkness and light.’ Wow, that’s deep. He thought about writing it down, but was too stoned to act on it. I will remember, said the Mad Bunny to himself, but the moment he said it he forgot what it was he was supposed to remember.

“I think I’ve had enough.” with that he dropped the unfinished joint in the ashtray. Stretching his arms and legs, he looked at Alice inquiringly. “You look tired, dear. As if you just spent the last hour running around your mind, gathering your thoughts.”

“I have.”

“So, what’ve you got there? Do share.”

Alice took a deep breath, and turned to face the Mad Bunny. “Nothing. I mean, I have nothing to show for, except this”, she picked up the joint from the ashtray and lit it.

“Well, in all fairness, that is one mighty joint. The King of All Joints, actually.”

“Maybe so, but The King of All Joints will be put out in a few moments. He will be turned to ashes. He will disappear without a trace. So much for leaving something behind.” said Alice.

“Oh, and you would like to leave something behind now, wouldn’t you?”

“Wouldn’t we all?” Alice asked as she put out the joint.

“Indeed we would”, the Mad Bunny agreed. He could tell Alice was growing sad. He didn’t want her sad. He didn’t want anyone sad. Not because he was especially compassionate, but because sad people were boring. And hanging out with boring people wasn’t an option for him.

“Tell you what; I’m sure you already left plenty behind.” he motioned theatrically with his hand. “Just think about all those past lives you you lived… Man, that’s a lot to leave behind.”

“True,” Alice nodded, “That’s one way of looking at it. But what I left behind belongs to the past, and I would like to leave something behind for the future. You know what I mean?”

“Sure do.” said the Mad Bunny. “It seems to me that the terribly intimidated you is stopping the stunningly intimidating you from leaving something behind.”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself.” Alice agreed. She really liked this Mad Bunny. He wasn’t mad at all.

“You know what I do when I feel intimidated?”

Alice shook her head.

“I bluff! And I intimidate those motherfuckers right back. You should try that sometime.”

Alice laughed. She was perfectly intimidating one on one, but when it came to exposing her genius to a wider audience, she’d freeze. “I get paralyzed by the fear of exposure. How do you deal with that?”

“The same as with any other intimidator. You bluff. You flash. You hit hard. You become stunningly intimidating.” The Mad Bunny got up and walked towards the stage.

“There’s not much to it, really…” He said as he stepped out in front of the audience and exposed himself.

Photograph from the series Mad Bunny by Yves Lecoq