Timing is everything.
We all want the same things, yet when we get them we often find it is not the right moment, that we are not ready, or that the circumstances in our life are not ripe. I wonder why is that. And is it possible to somehow go out of our way and adapt the situation to accommodate this new energy in our life?
I am pregnant, again. And sorry to say, not as excited as I was the first time round. Maybe because I learned something in the meantime. Now I know what it takes to be a parent. You must be able to provide stability and security of the whole family to the child, even if you are a single mother. Especially then. And that’s not an easy task.
Right now, I can see only the reasons why I shouldn’t have this child:
Considering all this, the decision should be easy. Yet whenever I look at my son, I think how empty my life would have been without him. And I feel like I am about to give up the second best thing that’s come into my life. And that makes me think. And when I think, I hesitate. And when I hesitate, I’m lost.
When I was younger, I had two abortions. I didn’t think twice. I didn’t blink. I just knew I wasn’t ready for children and that was that. Easy. But now that I’ve had a child, my life has a new dimension. Now that I’ve been a mother for almost two years, I know well what I’d be giving up. And it’s a lot.
So I’m back to square one.
Timing is everything, and my timing sucks.
Photo manipulation by Caras Ionut